Sarah matched with three guys last week. One asked her over at 11 PM for “Netflix and chill.” Another wanted to meet for coffee at 2 PM on a Tuesday. The third suggested dinner at a specific restaurant he’d been wanting to try, asked about her schedule for the following weekend, and mentioned he was looking for something real. Guess which one she’s still talking to?

Here’s the thing about dating apps – they’re packed with people who want completely different things. Some are hunting for their next relationship, others just want to hook up, and plenty have no clue what they want at all. The trick is figuring out which category someone falls into before you waste three weeks texting someone who was never going to take you seriously.

The Profile Tells You Everything (If You Know What to Look For)

I’ve seen thousands of dating profiles at this point, and the differences between someone looking for love and someone looking for Saturday night entertainment are pretty obvious once you know the signs.

People serious about relationships actually fill out their profiles completely. They’ve got multiple photos that show their face clearly, they’ve written more than “just ask,” and they’ve answered the prompts with real information about themselves. Someone looking for hookups? They’ll have three shirtless mirror selfies and a bio that says “6’2″ since that matters.”

The photo selection is especially telling. Relationship-minded people include pictures of themselves doing activities they enjoy – hiking with friends, at family gatherings, traveling somewhere cool. They want you to get a sense of who they are as a person. The hookup crowd sticks to thirst traps and gym selfies because that’s all they need to accomplish their goal.

Plus, check what apps they’re even using. Someone genuinely looking for a relationship probably isn’t spending their time on Tinder exclusively. They’ve migrated to Hinge, Bumble, or even Match where the entire culture skews more relationship-focused.

How They Start Conversations Says Everything

You can spot someone’s intentions within the first three messages, guaranteed.

Serious daters ask actual questions about things in your profile. They’ll comment on that photo of you at the farmer’s market or ask about the book you mentioned loving. They’re trying to figure out if you two would actually click as humans, not just as bodies.

The casual crowd goes straight for appearance compliments or generic conversation starters. “You’re gorgeous” might feel nice to hear, but it tells you absolutely nothing about what they want beyond the obvious. Same with “hey beautiful” or “what are you up to tonight?” – these aren’t people trying to get to know you.

Here’s something I’ve noticed: people looking for relationships will actually read your entire profile before messaging. They’ll reference specific details, ask thoughtful questions, and seem genuinely curious about your answers. The hookup seekers clearly swiped based on your first photo alone.

The Date Suggestions Give Them Away

Nothing reveals someone’s intentions faster than how they want to spend time with you.

Relationship-minded people suggest actual dates during normal human hours. Coffee, lunch, dinner, mini golf, a museum exhibit, hiking if that’s their thing. They want to talk to you, get to know you, and see how you interact in public. They’re thinking about whether you’d fit into their actual life.

The casual crowd has a very different playbook. They suggest meeting up late at night, want to “hang out” at their place or yours, or push for drinks at the diviest bar possible where conversation will be impossible anyway. They’re not interested in getting to know you – they already know what they want.

Pay attention to timing too. Someone serious about dating will plan ahead and respect your schedule. They’ll suggest meeting up later in the week and actually confirm plans in advance. The hookup seekers operate on immediate gratification – they want to meet tonight or not at all.

The Video Call Test

Here’s a foolproof way to separate the serious from the casual: suggest a video call before meeting up. I started doing this after too many disappointing first dates, and the results were eye-opening.

People genuinely interested in dating you will jump at the chance for a video call. They want to build a real connection, make sure you’re compatible, and honestly just confirm you’re both real humans who look like your photos.

The ones just looking to hook up? They’ll make excuses, change the subject, or straight up refuse. Video calls require actual conversation skills and genuine interest in another person – two things that aren’t necessary for casual encounters.

Their Response Patterns Tell the Real Story

I’ve learned that how someone texts reveals way more about their intentions than what they actually say.

Serious daters maintain consistent communication. They respond within reasonable timeframes, ask follow-up questions, and seem genuinely engaged in getting to know you better. Their messages get longer over time as they become more comfortable sharing about themselves.

The casual crowd treats texting like a video game – they’ll send rapid-fire messages when they’re bored or horny, then disappear for days without explanation. They’re not trying to build anything meaningful, so they don’t invest time in meaningful conversations.

Plus, notice what time they’re usually messaging you. Someone looking for a relationship will text throughout the day – good morning messages, funny things they saw, random thoughts they wanted to share. People just looking to hook up mostly text late at night when they’re feeling lonely or frisky.

The Friends and Future Test

Want to know if someone’s serious? Pay attention to whether they include you in their actual life.

People looking for relationships will mention meeting their friends, talk about future events they’d like to take you to, and generally act like you might stick around for more than a few weeks. They’ll invite you to their friend’s birthday party or mention a concert they want to go to next month.

The casual crowd keeps you completely separate from their real life. You’ll never hear about their friends, they won’t make plans more than a week in advance, and they definitely won’t introduce you to people who matter to them. You’re existing in a bubble designed specifically for whatever arrangement they have in mind.

The reality is that figuring out someone’s true intentions takes paying attention to patterns, not just individual messages or gestures. But once you know what to look for, it becomes pretty obvious pretty quickly who’s worth your time and who’s just wasting it.